Dear Sam,
How have you been? I suppose I’m doing all right. It’s been six months, did you know that? Six months since I found you lying there in the rain, the life blasted out of you by those monsters. They’re still killing people, you know. They never stopped. I’ve done my best to fight back, really, I have. But not long after you died, it hit me: I’m sick of all this fighting.
I…I don’t know if I can do this. You always believed in me. You never gave up on me when I struggled to let out my powers, not even when I was ready to give up on myself. Well, you know something? I finally did. It was your death that made me snap. I can almost see you smiling now, hear your voice saying, “I told you so” you always believed that I could do it, that I had the power to defeat the phantoms, that I just needed to bring it out. But I can’t. Not now, Sam, not with the memory of your death haunting me every battle.
Every time I fight them I see your face. You’d think that it would make me that much stronger, remembering what they did to you, how much pain they’ve caused, but maybe not. Maybe it’s too soon, maybe I’m not ready, because each time I see your face I falter.

Did you know, Sam that the very first memory I have of you is of you crying? You must have been 19 and I was just coming in my powers. I remember sitting on your lap in from of the graves of your friends, the one’s I never knew. – What did I know about death? I reached up with my hand to wipe your tears away. You see Sam I didn’t want you to be sad.
As a little kid I idolized you. I’m sure you must remember that. I didn’t know my sister at the time and you were the big sister I never had. I was certain you could do anything. You were my hero and I wanted to be just like you. I always thought you would be the one to defeat the phantoms, that you were the one who would save us all. I figured I’d be happy just to fight at your side when that day came.

I remember what a shock it was when we battled the phantoms that day. For the first time I realized that you were not invincible. It made me wonder just how hard had it been for you to make it that far fighting alone? Watching you struggle against them…It made me wonder if we were all living on borrowed time.

It was worse when I woke up after they had blown up the place. Seeing you lying there like that, nearly dead …it scared the shit out of me. It had never occurred to me that you could lose that badly. You, Sam, the strongest warrior I had ever known. But it only got worst from there.

Why did you fight them alone? You knew you were going to die, didn’t you…I always assumed that you would defeat the phantoms one day. I always thought it would be you, the one who had seen her closest friends mercilessly killed at their hands, the one who had been fighting them before I could even understand my own powers. But no, Sam, they killed you first. They killed you, and I’ve been left here to do what you could not.

I have seen you die a thousand times in my dreams. Every night for the first few weeks I would wake up screaming. The worst part is that it was never just a dream. They really did kill you, and you are never coming back, no matter how many times I call out your name. You were everything to me Sam. Everything. You held my hand thought this hell. And you showed me how to live in a world full of death. You were my sensei, my mentor, my best friend. You always understood me. Do you understand me now?
Did you know how much I loved you, do you know now? I miss you.

I hate them for killing you, for taking you away. But, Sam, I’m not too happy with you, either. You left me there alone.

Your headstone says that your spirit lives on. It’s true. I can feel you with me, just like you’ve always been. But at the same time I wonder. You see, Sam, all those years ago you had your friends and your family. They died, and you saw it happen. But at least you were with them for a while. I never had that. All I had was you. You meant more than anything to me. But now that you’re gone, it makes me wonder if in a way I’ve been alone the whole time.
You left a lasting impression, Sam, one that will never fade. But I don’t know if I’m ready- ready to fight, ready to let go, ready to forgive. One day I will be ready, but not now. But until that day comes…thank you.

Love,

Raven